So, there's a hillsongs song called Hosanna. You must have heard it...no? Here it is then.

In fact, just go right ahead and watch it anyway even if you know the song. It gives me goose bumps.

Around 3:19 in the video comes possibly the most poignant verse for me.


Let's face it, we've all had broken hearts at one time or another. But we're not designed to hang onto that hurt, we're designed to have our hearts filled with love for God. Only God can heal our hearts and clean it by His filling of our hearts.

I've had my heart healed in the past from so many hurts that I can't believe there was anything left of my heart to be healed.

By cleansing our hearts with His love God gives us an insight into 'everything else'. That something more than this.

I wonder if anyone remembers before they found God searching for that something more. I do. I remember laying propped up in a bed I hated because of the memories in a house I couldn't pay the rent on hoping against all hope that the door chain would keep out he who had a key but I didn't want to enter. I was searching, I knew there must be more. Deep down inside my heart, my poor shredded heart,  I knew that there was a God who loved me whether I chose to believe in Him or not.

That small moment of making a conscious decision to try 'having a little bit of faith' led to me knowing a love like no other. I knew then that it didn't matter one iota what questions I still had outstanding, who am I to question one who can love me so unconditionally, so faithfully and comfort me without my ever having to prove myself worthy.

The line from this song that speaks the most to me is probably 'Break my heart for what breaks yours' following on with 'everything I am for your kingdom's cause'.

I've always been a fairly emphatic person within myself but find it very hard to be sympathetic. (I had to look up in the dictionary if those were the right words for what I wanted to say then!).

Here's an example of how my heart works. Everyone else might be the same, or I might be a complete anomaly, I don't know but if I tell you how I work, you can tell me how you work and then we'll know.

If I hear that someone's been hurt, my heart starts to ache. Physically ache.

My sister fell over in the street and no one stopped to help her up a few weeks ago. When she told me this I almost cried. My heart was painful, it felt oh so heavy inside me. I felt as sad as can be that she fell over and no one stopped to help her.

(p.s. sorry sister for telling everyone you fell over!)

I heard about a good friend of mine who had some money stolen from her bank account earlier this week. I've been in that position except with mine it was a pre-meditated attack from somebody I knew.

When I heard that this had happened to her my heart hurt so much I was clutching my chest. It genuinely hurts along with feeling sad. Is that normal? I was wracking my brains to think how I could help and encourage, I felt a bit panicked, I felt ill....but mostly, my heart was hurting.

(p.s. sorry friend for telling people about your situation)

I know the line of this song 'break my heart for what breaks yours' is us asking God to show us how to feel the compassion that He feels. It is asking for us to recognise where we should be focussing. That we can't just look at people in desperate situations and shrug our shoulders, we should be burdened with those people and trying to find ways we can help or make a difference.


I believe we should be wholeheartedly looking for ways to alleviate people's suffering be it through prayer, companionship or practical help.

I love that the next line goes on to confirm 'everything I am for your kingdom's cause' because after all, if my heart is broken for a mother unable to feed her child then I should put my EVERYTHING into doing something to fix that.

I'd just like to add a disclaimer that I don't think we should all go round starving ourselves because we've given all our food away. I just think that if we shared what we had, God would never leave us without enough.

Sometimes I struggle in our situation because of my heart hurting. On Thursday evenings at youth group I have to clutch the counter and get a grip on myself so as not to break down at the comments the young people come out with. The lifestyles they lead, the certainty with which they pronounce there's no point in trying for better and the armour that surrounds their young hearts.

But then I find it even more difficult to face the responsibilities of being a leader in a church. Of being someone in a position of authority that needs to be present at every meeting and has an obligation to be seen to be attending and getting my teaching.

I find it difficult to merge the two differences of my daily life. The life that reads the Bible in the morning while earnestly praying for the young lives that I can influence, the life that I spend hours of my days listening to teaching from all different churches while working and the second, upright leader in the church life where schedules and weekly meetings take precedence.

I guess it's impossible to be a hurty heart owner without doing your fair share of tidying, counting the money, giving lifts etc but I wouldn't mind so much if there were more heart hurty kinda people.

Sometimes it gets lonely feeling as though you're one of only a few really burdened for the people who live around your church.

Maybe what I should be praying for is to be a bit more practical and just to knuckle down and do things as it's been decided they are best.

*Sigh*

Anyway, I'll try to go where God leads me, ultimately no matter how many people I annoy by doing what I do and prioritising as I do, it's God I'll have to answer to and I want to be able to kneel in front of Him and say truthfully 'Everything I am for your kingdom's cause'.

Does your heart hurt?

Samantha x


At home with Mrs H